No Master Spam

I just got this email in our MySpace inbox.

Hey,

My name is Rich Enis. I am A Director of A&R for Illumina Records. Illumina is a Boston-based independent record label, entertainment public relations and marketing company.

Today while searching for bands and solo artists in your market, I came across your music online. I listened to your music, and I would like you to contact me directly because I liked what I heard. The song that caught my attention was “No Master Plan“. You guys have a great vibe going, im really digging the vocals.

It is important for you to know that each band I send this to, has been listened to by me before they are contacted. I just don’t have time to write every one of you a personal message.

I would like to discuss the possibility of you participating in a massive public relations campaign. The campaign associated with this project will literally expose your music to millions of potential new fans.

We are currently working on a Drunk Driving Prevention campaign called Ground Control Awareness. We are creating a series of publicity campaigns called “ROCKERS FOR LIFE”. In the next calendar year, Ground Control and Illumina Records will be producing large marketing and exposure projects in over 40 cities across the United States, and the musicians that are involved with this project will be getting loads of local and nationwide exposure and publicity.

Are you serious about your music career? If the answer is yes, please contact me. I will show you how to attract the type of national exposure that matters.

The campaign includes the following:

1-Your music will be sent out to over one hundred record labels.

2-An electronic press kit will be created that showcases your music and logo, as well as bio and contact information. It’ll be sent out to over 500 radio stations, newspapers, DJs, writers, and much more.

3-Your music will be released to over one hundred thousand new music fans in your market.

4-You will be featured on the cover of “CUSP” magazine.

5-Your music will be made available to new music fans on major online music retailers and your music will also appear on a national professional quality CD.

6. Last but not least, you will help change the world with your music. You will make a difference and utilize your talent to actually save the lives of people from your country, your state, and your hometown.

Please click on the following links to learn more.

http://preventdrunkdriving.org/rockers_info/bandscheckthisout

Do me a favor when you respond and call me rather than email. I receive hundreds of emails a day, which makes them difficult to respond to and easy to lose. Also, the twenty artist slots fill up pretty quickly, so if you are interested give me a call ASAP.

By the way, I deal with thousands of bands per month. The ones I like, I send them this email. While it is not a mass email, I will encourage you to not be alarmed when other bands receive it as well. We work on such a large scale with so many bands that I send out a lot of similar emails.

This is not, however, spam!

Be confident enough to believe the following:

If you are reading this email, I liked your music.

If you want to see what we do for our client acts, click on one of the links below, we are currently working with over 800 bands nationally.

www.myspace.com/orlando_rockers
http://illuminarecords.com/epk/boston
www.preventdrunkdriving.org/directcontact/epk.pdf
http://preventdrunkdriving.org/rockers_info/bandscheckthisout

I will await your call.

Rich Enis
Director of A&R

Illumina Records
Direct Line: (603) 817-2943
Fax: (978) 746.7043
Email: Rich@illuminarecords.com
Website: www.illuminarecords.com

Wow, he likes our song! Anti-drunk driving--what a noble cause! Two birds, one stone, what an opportunity for our band today.

Of course, when I followed up with Mr. "Enis" he informed me--after a bit of prying on my part--that their services would only cost us $600. Most other spammers charge way more, I was assured.

But that comp CD is gonna look real nice. And he likes our vocals.

And this is in no way a scam to use a cause like drunk driving as a means of fleecing desperate rock bands of their money. Sadly this kind of thing will work on scores of talentless rich kids.

Maybe it's not all bad.

NOTE--The big, bold, italicized text is my touch, not the spammer's--er, I mean, Mr. Enis's.